Saturday, January 30, 2010

Sad news

Yesterday, Friday the 29th, I had a miscarriage at home. After a couple days of spotting and minor cramping, I started to bleed very heavily yesterday around 4am with extremely painful cramps. I was passing large blood clots and knew something was very wrong. As soon as the Everett Clinic was open at 8am I called to let them know how much worse things had gotten. (I talked to them the night before.) I went in for a blood draw first so they could see what numbers my pregnancy hormones were at, then depending on how that went, we'd need to do an ultrasound. Turns out, they needed to do an ultrasound. Jason and Kristie were there for that part.

The technician was very quiet the whole time, not saying anything about the images she was seeing. I wasn't seeing a visible baby on the screen so I didn't ask. It was very extensive, she froze a lot of images and did a lot of measurements so we weren't sure what was going on. At the end I said "See anything there?" She said she couldn't tell me but the physician would let me know when the results were ready. Then she said my doctor's nurse would call us on the phone in that room with the results ('cause we were in a different building.) She called about 10 minutes later I quickly got up and answered. The second she said the word "miscarry" I lost it. She could tell we needed to talk in person, so she said to come to the office so we could talk. I hung up the phone and cried on Jason's shoulder as we embraced. He was holding Kristie as well - she was very quiet. After I pulled myself together enough to look up, she looked at me with sad eyes and whimpered - I think she could tell something was obviously wrong.

We were lucky this happened with the second pregnancy and not the first- so we already know we're capable of having kids. It was weird, my belly was not growing very much, and I just felt not very pregnant. I've had an inkling that something might be wrong but could not find out because my first appointment wasn't until next week. We finally just heard back from DSHS about being covered for pregnancy last week. (Jason's benefits just started this month and I got pregnant the month before.) That's what kills me is I never got to see the baby. By the time we had the ultrasound yesterday it was gone.

You will not be forgotten. I know Mom's taking care of you now. We will see you in a lifetime to come.

17 comments:

The Riries said...

I am so, so sorry. Maybe your mom just needed some grandbaby company up there. You guys will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Zak and Allysia said...

Oh Candace, I am so sorry. I miscarried a little over a month before I became pregnant with Camden. I totally understand what you are feeling right now. You are not alone..sending lots of hugs your way...

Emily Young said...

Candace, I am so so sorry. It makes my heart feel better that you have your sweet Kristie here as a comfort, and your mama Kristie is providing comfort on the other side. Love to you and your family!

Laura said...

That is really sad news, I'm so sorry, but I'm glad you guys have each other to get you through all of this. I love you -- let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Evil Greg said...

Lisa had a miscarriage before we got Cooper, then another before Gibson.

Keep trying. You'll be okay.

Mary said...

you're in my thoughts, candace. sending prayers of comfort your way!

A little Birdie... said...

Sending prayers your way. I know how hard it is, and just remember to take a few weeks (it took me that long) to just mourn and let it out. That sweet little baby will be waiting fo ryou in heaven!

tuxgirl said...

i'm so sorry to hear about this, candace! my prayers are definitely going your way.

~Aimee~ said...

I am so very sorry to both of you. What a sad thing to go through. I pray that you'll find comfort and healing. Let me know if you need ANYTHING! Kristie is always welcome to come play at our house. ((hugs))

Kelly & Jesse said...

I am so sorry Candace, I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and have had another before this one. I know how hard they are and trust me it will get better. If you need to chat just let me know, your experience sounds very similar to mine. Love you, stay strong
Kel

Cecily said...

Oh Candace. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. Our first pregnancy was a miscarriage and I felt so much heartbreak it was practically unbearable. Keep your chin up and know you're a child of God. He loves you and understands your pain. You & Jason will be in my prayers.

Callie, Shawn and Braxton said...

AH, I'm so sory. I want to cry for you. That's so hard. You're in my prayers.

Cami said...

Candace, I am so sorry to hear your news. Please know that we will be thinking of you and praying for you. Take care.
Love you,
Lane, Cami and family

Megan Marie said...

You are such a strong lady. And such a lovely family to be in this all together. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Much love.

Shara said...

I'm so sorry Candace.

Heidi Pinckard said...

Candace,

I am so sorry! I know how you're feeling. Please let me know if you need anything. You can call me anytime, even if you just want to talk. (208)968-2744.

Heidi Pinckard

Tiffany said...

I'm sorry Candace! You'll be in our prayers!