Sad news

Yesterday, Friday the 29th, I had a miscarriage at home. After a couple days of spotting and minor cramping, I started to bleed very heavily yesterday around 4am with extremely painful cramps. I was passing large blood clots and knew something was very wrong. As soon as the Everett Clinic was open at 8am I called to let them know how much worse things had gotten. (I talked to them the night before.) I went in for a blood draw first so they could see what numbers my pregnancy hormones were at, then depending on how that went, we'd need to do an ultrasound. Turns out, they needed to do an ultrasound. Jason and Kristie were there for that part.

The technician was very quiet the whole time, not saying anything about the images she was seeing. I wasn't seeing a visible baby on the screen so I didn't ask. It was very extensive, she froze a lot of images and did a lot of measurements so we weren't sure what was going on. At the end I said "See anything there?" She said she couldn't tell me but the physician would let me know when the results were ready. Then she said my doctor's nurse would call us on the phone in that room with the results ('cause we were in a different building.) She called about 10 minutes later I quickly got up and answered. The second she said the word "miscarry" I lost it. She could tell we needed to talk in person, so she said to come to the office so we could talk. I hung up the phone and cried on Jason's shoulder as we embraced. He was holding Kristie as well - she was very quiet. After I pulled myself together enough to look up, she looked at me with sad eyes and whimpered - I think she could tell something was obviously wrong.

We were lucky this happened with the second pregnancy and not the first- so we already know we're capable of having kids. It was weird, my belly was not growing very much, and I just felt not very pregnant. I've had an inkling that something might be wrong but could not find out because my first appointment wasn't until next week. We finally just heard back from DSHS about being covered for pregnancy last week. (Jason's benefits just started this month and I got pregnant the month before.) That's what kills me is I never got to see the baby. By the time we had the ultrasound yesterday it was gone.

You will not be forgotten. I know Mom's taking care of you now. We will see you in a lifetime to come.